Facebook has a way of jogging your memory as you’re going about your business and not realizing what day it is. This week, as I opened the app to scroll for a bit, a memory was at the very top of the screen, “12 years ago today…” Three Land Rovers were parked in a long driveway lined by trees. Someone who didn’t know the circumstances may envy such a display of rugged adventure, but my brain immediately remembered that on January 26, 2013 my beloved husband had just slipped into a coma and everything in my life was uncertain. It was a clear reminder that my annual “season of grief” had begun.
A dull ache and melancholy thoughts hang over me for most of February every year. Even though I’ve had more than a decade to heal and have gained tools through prayer, therapy, research, and a lot of reading, grief still sneaks up on me. The intensity of the pain has changed over the years. Grief used to feel like immobilizing physical heartache laced with muscle tension and anxiety, uncontrollable wracking sobs, and an inability to focus. Now it’s a dull ache with distracting ponderings about how profoundly my life has changed from what it used to be. I spend random times struggling to bring back my late husband’s voice, his laugh, and imagining what our life might have been like if he was around with our adult children. Sometimes he even appears in dreams during this time of year and I wake disoriented and shaken.
This morning I woke up with numbers on my mind. Somehow, twelve years have gone by one day at a time and it’s led me to reflect on my journey toward hope. In light of that, I’ve made a list of twelve things that have kept me growing and healing.
1. GOD BRINGS LIFE FROM DEATH
2. NATURE REVEALS GOD’S CHARACTER AND POWER
3. HIS MERCIES CAN BE FOUND DAILY
4. GOD HAS A PURPOSE FOR EACH OF US
5. GROWTH COMES THROUGH SUFFERING
6. GRIEF IS ONLY FOR A SEASON
7. HIS WORD BRINGS COMFORT AND STRENGTH
8. JESUS IS OUR COMFORTER AND COUNSELOR
9. GOD USES OUR SUFFERING FOR HEALING IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS
10. OUR HEAVENLY FATHER SEES AND KNOWS
11. WE ARE NOT ALONE
12. HE KEEPS HIS PROMISES
What a perfect focus for the next two weeks in this season of remembering! I’ll be delving deeper into these truths in future posts. I’d love to hear about how you’ve experienced God in the midst of your seasons of grief. Comment below.